Not-so-random things about me.

After bitching about God and the Indian Tax system, I have finally thought of writing few random things about my personality, behavior, attitude and unique things of my life.

1. I like watching movies alone. Yes, you have read it right. Your vision is 6/6. I’m quite unplanned and watch movies on weekend when I’m free or bored of the idiot box. No matter how clear TataSky is, it’s hard to replicate it with a 2-3 hour of entertainment at a movie hall.
2. I have good number of friends, who are good for nothing. When I’m free they are busy and when I’m busy, they don’t disturb me.
3. I can’t drive within the speed limits. On my way to office, I know the points where the Delhi traffic police would be standing with speedometers, so I escape from them at a slow speed and speed up to 130 KM everyday. And don’t worry; I have not crushed anybody till date.
4. I don’t smoke. I don’t booze. I have never got tipsy. And I’m a creative person who can very well promote and de-promote both of them.
5. I’m addicted to milk. Yes…laugh it loud all you boozy people. No pun or double minded talks. I like Amul.
6. I wish I had as many girlfriends as my friends think. But at present I’m in a steady relationship.
7. I have met quite a few celebrities last year. Minissha, Sohail Khan, Ria Sen, Raghu, Rajiv, Bumppy (Now the director of Roadies), Ashutosh (Roadies 6 & Big Boss 2 winner), Shraddha & Vishal (Splitsvilla 1 winners) and Ranvijay. I have a craving to work with Minissha. Just can’t get over it.
8. It’s hard to judge my mood. It changes faster than the weather of Mumbai.
9. 2009 had been very good for me. I have excelled at work, but still devoid of appraisal.
10. Sleeping is my passion. That doesn’t mean I sleep passionately. I can skip a late night party, but not my sleep. Waking me up at 6 in the morning is like waking me up in the middle of the night. Although I do get up early when I have to think.
11. I like working on weekends, but from home or at home. Mommy’s tea and a pen in my hand can get real kickass ideas. Tried and tested formula of mine.
12. I faint when I give blood for tests. I don’t know why it happens. Last time happened in May or June, when I had typhoid. That is the prime reason for not donating blood.
13. I envy people with expensive cars, guys with more than one girlfriend and the one’s who are younger than me and earn more than me.
14. Anger gets the best out of me. I have always performed well at work or play when I’m in the anger mode.
15. I have failed in 10th standard in English. So pardon my mistakes, if any. But kicked everyone’s butt in 12th and topped my class. And today I’m a copywriter.

There is a lot of stuff to tell about me. But I don’t want to loose your attention. So, signing off with just 15 bullets on me.

Burden of Tax

It is painful. An average Indian spends most of his income in taxes rather than Texas. We pay tax on our annual income called the Income tax, service tax on the things we eat and buy, CAS and education tax, value added tax, and the list goes on…
Tax is government’s right. The progress of nation rests on the revenue generated through it and various PSU. But with India’s slow progress there has been a rapid rise in the number of taxes livid on us.
After deducting a fixed amount of tax from our Income, why do we have to pay various taxes like education tax, toll tax, and value added tax? The income generated is being used for constructing roads, flyover and dams. And we pay Toll Tax for crossing the bridge, flyover constructed from the revenue generated by tax.
Why an extra education tax when I have to still pay the school fees? Where do the thousand & crore of rupees go? Why are there fewer roads and more bumps? Why a queue in front of banks and still beggars on roads?
And I bloody can’t find the person who invented Entertainment Tax. I pay tax on what I wear, I pay tax on what I use, I pay tax on what I eat and I also pay tax when I laugh. Is it really my country!
I would not be complaining until I realized that I fear the policeman who gets salary from the tax I pay. I bribe the traffic policemen who get salary from the tax I pay. I fucking pay Road tax for the car I drive on the roads made by my money.
Every Indian is being robbed off everyday in the form of tax. Our foreign reserves are rising like the fuel prices and still our country’s balance sheet shows outstanding loans and fiscal deficits. And we still say “Jaya He” with the same pride and zeal of belonging. What an emotional fool sirji??
At the end I would like to thank the Government for not implementing Oxygen Tax.

I'm not what i want to be

I’m not what I want to be….

I’m not someone who walks on the earth and calls it the moon walk,

I’m not the one with the most beautiful eyes in the world,

I’m not the one with a dimple on my face,

I’m not the one with 6 or 8 packs,

I’m not the one with 15 Grand Slam tittles,

I’m not the fastest one on the race court, land or water.

I’m not the one who reached the skies,

I’m not the one with windows.

I’m not the one born with a silver spoon.

I’m not what I want to be….

I’m a man with dreams in my eyes,

I’m the one waiting for an opportunity,

I’m the one looking for the mentor,

I’m the one waiting for the fortune to turn my way,

I’m the one wanting to be the ONE.

I’m an ordinary man looking for the extra ordinary me….I’m not what I can be.

If the mind answers…

My life would have been micro short if God had connected the tongue to my mind. I have come across many situations where my mind said the truth and my tongue lied.

For example are the few situations where my mind yelled something, and the tongue whispered something else.

1. My girlfriend says, “You don’t love me anymore”. And my mind said “Finally, she has woken up. Good morning. Honey!”.

2. When I was 12 years old, my dad said “Children of your age can fly airplanes and you cant even wash your face properly”. The mind answered it quickly “Dad, Bill Gates is younger than you” but thank god it was pin drop silence at the top and dad continued.

3. “Why are you late?” said the boss. “How come you are early today” answered my mind. And I don’t want to mention the bosses name.

4. I always find it funny when people ask questions to which they can never get genuine replies. One of them was asked by my teacher in standard 11^th “Why haven’t you done your homework?” The reply in my mind was” Your subject is too boring”.

5. The landlord said ” The rent of the place has been increased by Rs. 2000/- only, from next month”. I didn’t say “Seems like your wife has robbed off all your money”

6. Lastly a situation where my friend once said me “I had a fight with my girlfriend and have broken up”. My mind was happy and had lots of thanks giving messages ready for him. The best one was “Thanks buddy. I'll keep her happy in your absence”.

At last, I just want to thank the almighty for the accurate wiring of my body.

The Height of Heights

Height of cost cutting: Requesting a beggar to return 50 paise of the 1 Rs. you give him.

Height of recession fear: Boss coming to office on time.

Height of laziness: Adopting a child. (Courtesy to the person who sent me this SMS and gave me the idea to write many more heights)

Height of Advertising: An anti-aging cream for a new born.

Height of Silence: While watching porn in your room.

Height of traffic: Reaching office when everybody is leaving for home.

Height of Gtalking: Ignoring people if they don’t make a (dhing) sound before talking.

Height of corruption: Weeding anniversaries.

Height of lie: Advertising.

Height of spying: Checking pockets of the invigilator.

Height of storage: A lady having stomach ache for 1 day.

Height of torture: Ram Gopal Verma ki AAG.

Height of luck: Getting married to a virgin in 2020.

Height of Bad luck: Getting robbed thrice before you reach the police station.

Height of abusing: Dropping a catch of Afridi on the first ball.

Height of idleness: This post.

I’m not writing this post from the peak of Himalayas. If you like the heights, then please leave some more heights for me to answer. Or i'll have to spend more time finding the heights rather than answering them.

Warning: Dumb headed need not leave their height in the comment book.

More heights to follow as it is, The height of heights.